New year hmmmm

I am NOT making any new years resolutions......why....cause I never do it.

I try to, but I don't.

I know everything I need to do........so therefore, I don't need to make a resolution to do it....it is all a work in progress...

I think I will make a resolution to win the lottery....yeah...yeah....that's the ticket.....

That would definately R-E-S-O-LV-E a lot of things.

Happy New Year Yall!

One of THOSE

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
You need more sleep.
2. How much cash do you have on you? 2$
3. What's a word that rhymes with DOOR? Poor
4. Favorite planet? Krypton
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?Jackie
6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? Chewbacca
7. What shirt are you wearing? My favorite white sweatshirt
8. Do you label yourself? No, can't think of one
9. Name the brand of the shoes you're currently wearing: Nike
10. Bright or Dark Room? Dark
11. Why is there always a missing question? Hell if I know!
12. What does your watch look like? I don't wear a watch.
13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Putting my baby to bed and pumping.
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say? I love you.
15. Where is your nearest 7-11? Maybe 1/4 mile up the road.
16. What's a word that you say a lot? Shit or dude
17. Who told you he/she loved you last? My husband
18. Last furry thing you touched? My scarf
19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? 3 - Fenugreek, ibuprofen, vitamins
20. How many rolls of film do you need developed? 4
21. Favorite age you have been so far? 17
22. Your worst enemy? Not sure, many people I don't like, but not really enemies, maybe the ex of the husband?
23. What is your current desktop picture? I don't have one at work, cause we share a computer
24. What was the last thing you said to someone? Okay love you bye
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, what would it be? A million bucks.
26. Do you like someone? Sure.
27. The last song you listened to? Welcome to the jungle - on the radio
28. What time of day were you born? 2:30pm
29. What's your favorite number? 33
30. Where did you live in 1987? Byron Center MI
31. Are you jealous of anyone? Yeah, anyone that has more money than they know what to do with!
32. Is anyone jealous of you? I don't know what they would be jealous of....don't know
33. Where were you when 9/11 happened? Sleeping. I worked third shift, I didn't know it happened til 1-2pm!
34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? If there's anyone around to refund it to me, I'll get it back...but most times I'm just screwed and pissed off.
35. Do you consider yourself kind? Yes, but I have learned (the hard way) not to be.
36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?I have 3 and I have 3 more that I want - my back, my wrist, and my ear
37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? I could speak BETTER Spanish
38. Would you move for the person you loved? Yes, we have discussed it
39. Are you touchy-feely? With my husband, otherwise I hate being touched
40. What's your life motto? Fuck it
41. Name three things you have on you at all times: Chapstick, cell phone, debit card
42. What's your favorite town/city? Isla mujeres, Mexico
43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash? Gas
44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? I wrote a card last summer some time, to a friend
45. Can you change the oil on a car? Yep
46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her? I am married to him. All of the other ones, weren't love. I don't care what they are doing.
47. How far back do you know your ancestry? Great, great, great grandparents
48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy? My wedding
49. Does anything hurt on your body right now? My shoulders, holding a baby kills your back
50. Have you ever been burned by love? Too many times.
51. Do you have a crush on any bloggers? No
52. Where would you like to live? Isla Mujeres, Mexico

Baby stuff...

It is a good thing I didn't have to work yesterday. I was still recovering from Christmas. I need some xanax next year I think. By the time I took a shower on Christmas day, I was shaking. I have no idea why. I think the little man could tell that I was not okay. Becuase all he wanted to do all day was cry or be on the breast. I spent 4 of the 8 hours I was away at grandma's and SIL's feeding the baby. He doesn't do well with crowds and commotion right now. I guess maybe it is cause he is little, I hope he didn't get that from me. Hopefully HE will grow out of it. But, as for me, I didn't handle it so well. I usually love Christmas, but something got to me this year.

I got some great gifts. Lex got all the great gifts. I was more excited for him. He helped me tear the wrapping and was very intrigued for all of about 2 minutes, but it was funny.

I am currently trying to figure out how to get him set on a bedtime. It is hard with me being at work until 11pm. Daddy just falls asleep with him in bed or on the couch. The later the better I guess, cause I need to sleep a little. But on the weekends, he doesn't want to go to bed until 1am. This is no good. I get no time with Mr. Perfect, or sleep. So far, since he has been born, he has been in charge. Now it is my turn......

HNT drool attack...

He is starting to get up on his elbows.......
Trouble is coming....

He is the cutest baby ever......no seriously.....he is......

Quite a year...

Stolen from Gigi

First post from each month of the year....
The Hits Just Keep On Comin 2006...
January
feliz-cumpleanos
February
too-damn-cute
March

hnt-chicken-little

April

chihuahuas-and-babies

May

gory-renter

June

perfect

July

mrs-perfect

August

hot-zingers

September

NONE

October

its-boy

November

my-freaky-family

December

christmas-guilt

fuck money

I am sick of being broke. I know I am not the only one who is broke. I know there are others worse off than me. But, it seems everytime I get money, any money at all, it just pays what is due then, and all the money is gone. I may not be behind anymore, but it seems as though I never had any to begin with. Strange how that happens.

All I ever have is just enough. I never have more. I never have extra. Sometimes (a lot) I have less. How does this work? I don't have anything fancy. I don't buy anything I don't need. I feel guilty if I ever do. I buy secondhand everything.

I guess I don't really need anymore than I get. But it would be nice to have a little extra. Just so I don't worry so much. I don't know what the word save means. There is nothing to save. I don't know what it is like to not live paycheck to paycheck. Does anyone?

I have a wonderful husband and son. They are really all I need. But it would be nice to buy a new pair of shoes. Not because I want them, but because I need them. It would be nice to fix the back door, not because I want to, but because it needs to be done.

I try not to worry about it. But this one thing, is the only thing I do worry about. Most every other thing rolls off my shoulders. This one gets me every time. Just when you get caught up, you have to worry all over again.

Christmas and boobies

Christmas dinner #1 will be Italian themed, pizza etc. I don't know what to bring.....

Christmas dinner #2 will be finger food. I am set to make wings.

It will be a little different this year, which is ok with me. I think there may be the possibility to eat more when you have finger food......A few of these, a few of those....on and on...

It will be fun to see what the boy will be getting for Christmas. Even though he really won't remember it. It will be fun for me. Next year might be more fun for him.

Mr. Perfect cleaned the house this weekend. It has been a few weeks since we have been able to disinfect the house. We both work full time and then work full time when we get home with the baby. He is getting now, to where he needs to be entertained all the time. Naps are optional with him. If you are lucky enough to get one on your shift....you might get something done.

He had his first bottle of formula last week. It is really hard being away from him for 8-10 hours a day and still exclusively breastfeeding. I had quite a stash of milk in the freezer when I went back to work, but that is gone. He is getting what I pump the night and day before. Weekends, I hardly get a chance to pump, cause he is always on me. I think he is going to be 8ft tall. He eats 30-36oz of milk a day. That is what I have calculated from what I pump at a setting and what he eats when I am gone. I have read that it is average for him to eat 24-28. I can hardly keep up with that, so more is hard. I kind of feel bad about it, like I am not doing my job. But, I have to work, I have no choice. I guess if he has to have 2-4 bottles of formula a week, it won't kill him, but I still feel like I could do better. I pump every 2 hours at work, that is the most I can do. I usually come home with 16-20oz, and he goes through that with none left over when I get home. I have bred a monster......
Okay enough boobie talk.
I feel like I have nothing else to talk about.....but boobies, poop, peuk, naptime, or other baby related things........wow

Sober...what?

The mind of an addict is a scary place. The anxiety, the self confidence, and physical problems are all intense. I have been addicted to the following things....

Coffee
Cigarettes
Weed - although they say it is not, I was or thought I was
Food
Alcohol
Ecstacy
Ephedrine
And inbetween all of this....there are too many numerous drugs on and off

I always have to have something. It has been a long running problem with me. Why do I do this to myself? I do not know. It seems I am always looking for the next greatest high. It feels empty to not be high. What am I hiding from? Why do I need this. My life isn't or wasn't so completely terrible that I need to forget it. In fact there is a lot of it, I can't remember and wish I could. I have heard the term addictive personality. I think I am one of those people. Nothing dramatic happened to me when I was a child or anything. I cannot figure it out.

But I do know one thing that has changed this for me. My son. Nothing is as important as he is. No drug or drink could ever jepoardize my life with him. I am clean and sober everyday now. I live for him. Being with him makes me high. Watching him grow and learn gives me a better feeling than any drug ever could. This person who had tall dreams, but thought she would never straighten out....has finally made it out of that hole. All it took was this little man to completely turn my life around. Having the love of a man who REALLY loves me helps a lot too. He has his own problems, and is a lot like me. But together, we are the coolest parents in the whole world. I wish my parents had been and done all that we have, maybe they would have understood me better. All I know is, I love the two most important boys in my life with all my heart, and I want to be able to be clean when they need me.

Baby voice

It is amazing what kind of things you say to your child in the baby voice......
I am sure all of those mothers out there know the "baby voice"....Things such as...

"You gotta stinky butt!"
"I pinched your butt!"
"Look at those chubby little legs!"
"Your so cute!"
"Where's momma?"
"Pewwwww you stink!"
"Are you poopin?"

These are all things that if you said NOT in the baby voice, would be unacceptable.
I also make up songs about family members, right down to the color lipstick grandma wears.....
I know he can't understand, but if someone put a tape recorder in my house....they would commit me.

New born Christmas

We got a Christmas tree. It's perty.

The boy likes to sit in his swing and stare at it. He did not want me to put it up yesterday though. Everytime I got into it, he started crying. Plus, my lights weren't working... it went something like this...

Set baby down in his swing....
grab the lights, plug them in.....1/2 of the string was not working....
Baby starts crying.
Pick baby up, feed him, change him, whatever. Put baby back in swing.
Start to fix lights. Place lights on tree 1/2 way.....
Baby starts crying.
Pick baby up, feed him, change him, whatever. Put baby back in swing or give to daddy.
Finish one string of lights.
Baby starts crying.....

The same thing happened with the ornaments. It took 4 hours to put up the tree.
He likes it now, but damn boy.

He is using his hands now. He grabs a toy pulls and tugs on it....but can't figure out how to let go once he has it. He will wimper until you take his hand from it, and then take a deep breath of relief. As though he thought his hand would be stuck there forever.

It is fun watching him discover the world. If he only thought taking a nap was fun.

just another thing

I haven't switched to the "NEW" blogger yet. I am scared. What happens when I do? What is so different about it?

And what happens when you get to 300 posts? I am about to. Do I lose all of the old stuff?

Blogger quandary's

Christmas guilt

I have no money for Christmas. I have decided to not let it bother me. I am going to give everyone a hug for Christmas. Isn't that what it is all bout? Sharing love and family right? I don't want anyone to get me anything either.....how do you stop them from doing that? You can say it, but it doesn't work.
I am excited for the boy now. I am more excited about his Christmas presents.
I did not celebrate Christmas when I was a kid, so it doesn't really kill me to not have one. I guess this idea is foreign to most people, but to me, not so much. But once you make a commitment to Christmas, your stuck.
I didn't work for 4 months, I have no money. I have a beautiful baby boy to show for it. That is my gift to the world.
Listen to me, trying to delude myself. I am still going to feel guilty........
I had a wedding and baby showers all summer, people bought me plenty of stuff. Why do I need them to buy me more?
I have no problem with gifts or anything, but everyone has been so generous to me already......I already feel indebted to them, now I have to worry about the fact that I can't even purchase a Christmas gift for them.....aarrrrrrrrrrhghhhhhhhhhh.

Nonsense. It is all nonsense. I am not going to get worked up about it. I always get too worked up about things, and then I won't be able to shit, and I will have a panic attack.